Relational problems may be at the root of a wide range of symptoms, for example: stress, anxiety, low mood, depression, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence in different areas of life, lack of self-worth, weak/blurred boundaries, feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness, trauma and more.
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Relationships are an essential element in our lives, we are relational beings. This means that we need others to thrive and become ourselves. If you are reading this, it may be because you are struggling with your relationships. This may be in the area of love, with family, friends or at work.
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Relational problems are sometimes very painful, challenging problems to solve. Counselling can help you to get clarity so that you know what decisions you need to make. It can give you the support that you need to make those changes. It can help you sustain the changes when the going gets tough.
If you are looking for a counsellor to help you in the area of relationships, it may be because you are having one or more of the following experiences:
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-Difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
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- Experiencing unhealthy patterns in relationships (with family, friendships, colleagues, or romantic partners). Things that happen over and over, even when people or settings are different.
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-You may be aware of your need to please others, resulting in people-pleasing behaviours that leave you unhappy and unsatisfied.
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-You may have a pattern of relating where you “disappear” or become "invisible" in the relationship.
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-You may be indiscriminately putting the needs of others before your own.
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-Perhaps, you are feeling that you cannot find a partner because you are simply "unlucky" or that “love is not in the cards” for you. As a result you have given up, but feel sad, hopeless, demotivated, etc., and this is affecting you in other areas of your life.
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- It may that you have been having an experience of feeling "chronically" single or alone, in spite of your desire or efforts to attract a partner. As a result you are avoiding socialising because you don't want to be the "single" one out.
-Having a “pattern” that shows up in romantic relationships (i.e.., unrequited love scenarios, toxic relationships, relationships where boundaries are not respected, not being able to create or maintain healthy relationships, falling for the “same kind of partner” even though the person and context may be different, falling for narcissistic/psychopathic individuals, etc.)
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- Choosing love objects based on “magical thinking”, new-age type of beliefs that result in “love bites” scenarios with high drama, obsessions, unrequited love, strange synchronicities, and/or getting involved with abusive "gurus" or partners.
-Feeling alone, leading a solitary life, and feeling that you are “destined” to be alone.
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-Suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, low mood, or depression, feeling confused, "gaslighted", traumatised as a result of relational problems.
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-Feeling like an “outsider”, like you do not belong anywhere, even when you actively put yourself “out there" and make lots of efforts to reach out.
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-Experiencing challenging relationships, where there is a lot of “drama,” “highs and lows”, “push and pull”, rebounds, break-ups, etc.
-Strained relationships with family members, friendships or at work.
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- Have experienced group aggression, been targeted for abuse, or bullying in a group setting (at school, work, in a particular group, in the family, etc.)
How can counselling help?
A counsellor provides you with a space for you to talk about your problems. Because counselling is the art of empathic listening, among other things, a counsellor won't judge you.
They won't criticise, undermine, gaslight, or doubt you.
A counsellor will listen to your story, and throw a question here and there, perhaps a reflection of what you have said.
A counsellor will then focus on building a healthy relationship with you. It may be necessary for you to learn a few things, for example, how to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
You may need to learn to accept yourself with compassion and love. You may need to learn to accept the things that you cannot change.
You may need to exercise the ability to discern and separate what is your stuff from what is not yours.
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Counselling is an emergent process. This means that neither you nor I can anticipate what will happen in the therapeutic space when we work together. What happens is an emerging process that develops as our relationship develops and our ability to work together at depth.
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I can help you by giving you the support you need as you explore your challenges.
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In therapy, we will look at your story, and at what you have been believing within that story; we will decide what you want to focus on, where you feel you can make changes and develop yourself, and together, within the safe space of our relationship, we will work together to create a new story for you.
In counselling we may work on:
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Helping you to get clarity about your situation.
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Practising how to access the internal and external resources that will catalyse your healing and transformation.
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Helping you to make distinctions between what is your “stuff” and what is other people’s stuff.
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Helping you to own your stuff, and to work through it. This understanding will lead to more choice, and therefore, more freedom to create a new story for you.
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Identifying your strengths and nurturing your psychological, emotional and spiritual resilience.
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Getting clarity about the beliefs that are holding you back so that you can evolve those beliefs and replace them with life-affirming ones.
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Exploring life-enhancing, soul-nurturing, self-enriching beliefs and values.
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Improving your assertiveness and communication skills.
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Learning psychological attitudes and skills.
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I work in a holistic way, and if appropriate, we can work with hypnosis and guided imagery, to access a deeper knowledge about your situation.
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If you are spiritually-minded, we can work together with this area of your life, to get clarity about your experiences and the deeper meaning of these in your life.
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Counselling can help you to:
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Gain clarity about what you want
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Know exactly what it is that has been holding you back
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Learn to challenge thoughts and behaviours to create new opportunities for love
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Become very clear about what you need to do to transform your love life
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Reconnect with your body, which will enable you to make decisions from a place of wisdom and creative intuition
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Feel empowered to access the resources you need to make your love life work for you
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Experience what it feels like to be fully supported in your life